You know how people are sometimes compared to onions? They have multiple layers and once you finally get to the core, the heart, the foundation of it, you've got to the best part?
That's how I am. Sometimes I forget how complicated and difficult I can be to those who are near and dear to me. I have layers upon layers, but once you're in..you're in there like swimwear.
I've been more in touch with the core part of my emotions a lot lately. It's a place I never liked to visit often because I was forced to be real with myself. No more layers, it just was, what it was.
I've been more open lately, but I still catch myself defensive as hell sometimes. My past has made me who I am today but I need to remember not to let it effect my present, and most importantly my future. I told myself this year I was going to work on a better me. I've been strengthening my spiritual side, slowly but surely. I've learned to forgive those who have wronged me, to not let offense burden my mind and my heart.. but those emotional scars run a lot deeper than you may think sometimes. I have to catch myself sometimes because I have to remember who I'm talking to. They say nine times out of ten when you and your significant other are going at it.. the rage.. the words.. all that isn't really directed at them.. it's at the ex.. the pain.. the denial.. I've learned to be a lot more patient.. because I too was incredibly naive not too long ago. It took something huge for me to finally open my eyes.. but I just wish that I had someone who was patient enough with me.. but you live and you learn. Praying for the strength and patience to steady work on a better me. Almost half a year under our belt, and still have time to go. Change doesn't come in a day.. but as long as my efforts are consistent.. I have faith it will all work out for the best.
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